Work is Not so Great at the Moment

Remember back in October when I got promoted and I was so super stoked about it?


Yeah, that joy has been destroyed now.


I am the backup for my team, so I have been learning a bunch of different things. I had thought things were going swimmingly (because NO ONE had told me different) only to be pulled aside by my boss last Friday (23rd) to be told that I am failing. Hard.


Did I mention she did this right before my vacation? As in, we leave the office at 4:30 and she pulled me aside at 4:05.


Apparently, if I was more self- aware, I would have seen this coming (according to her). She had a stack of errors. (Five months in, this is the first I’m hearing of any of them) She had to mention the other new girl who started a week after me had her job down pat after only a month on the job. She asked if I liked my job (as if I’m self-sabotaging or something? Like I’m intentionally not doing a good job because I hate it here?) and if I got overwhelmed. Yes, I get overwhelmed. This is not work I’ve ever done before! And she knows this! She knew this when she hired me! And no, she doesn’t check on me. I guess at the skill/salary level we’re at she doesn’t think she should have to. And maybe she’s right. I barely speak to her. This is not an exaggeration- there are days when the only thing I will say to her will be “Good morning.” Apparently, even though no one has told me different, I should still know that I’m fucking up. Also, if I ask two different people the same question, they will get offended as if I doubt their world. That’s what it is. Not me double-checking and clarifying and the first person isn’t available so I ask the second person. She says we’re a cohesive team. No we are not. You guys are cliquey mean girls in a high school movie. I can hear you all gossping and giggling.


I guess I was spoiled by my previous boss. She had monthly meetings with everyone on her team. She would let us know what we were doing well at, what we were doing poorly at, and what she wanted us to focus on. I always knew where I stood.


I guess I do now. I’m massively fucking up. At everything.


Of course, I started to cry. I was a wreck. She said that I took a leap of faith to get my job, so she was going to take a leap of faith on me. She said that we’re okay, and that she believes soon this will all be a distant memory.


I go back to work tomorrow. I dread it. I’m going to go in there and work harder and do my damndest (even though I already thought I was) but now I worry that I’m not good enough. And even if I am able to improve and do really well in my actual evaluation, this will never be a distant memory.


This was cruel. Who pulls a person aside a half hour before they go on vacation to drop this kind of bomb? Why wait so long to let a person know they aren’t doing well? Why not help them right when you spot a mistake? I don’t feel as if I can trust my boss after this.


But the worst thing of all, was that she made me doubt myself. She made me feel like I was too stupid to do my job (and I hate using that word because it’s ableist), like I should have just stayed where I was and never tried to aim higher, that I don’t belong in this position because I’m just not good enough. I was a wreck when I got home that night. I was incredibly sick. Stress about getting fired, worry about the future, heartbreak that I wasn’t doing as well at a job I genuinely like as I thought I was.


I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for that.


Now, for the first time in five months, I dread going into work.




Happy Thanksgiving!


Gravy volcano never gets old. ;o)


Well, happy Thanksgiving my dears! I hope you all are doing well. My holiday was lovely. Slept in a little- as much as a hungry cat will allow. I had a cup of tea for breakfast and started a new book, Another Man’s Treasure. The lack of breakfast caught up with me at Aunt Debra’s, where I completely stuffed my face. It was sooooo goooood.

Mr Bean Thanksgiving

I’m home now, and I’ve been in my jim-jams for the last four hours. I’ve been knitting and drinking tea and watching Bake-Off. I am knitting two things at once- Bluebirds of Happiness, and scarves for the homeless. Two simple, small pieces that are being knit 10 rows at a time. 10 rows on one, switch projects and do 10 rows on the other. I don’t have any dessert, but I do have a recipe for chocolate chip cookie in a mug. I have made it many many many times (I have the recipe memorized) and I swear by it.

Anyways, all of you take care of yourselves. And if you are going shopping later, may you get all the deals you want.

General Update

I know, I fell behind again. I know. But we had a big dinner last night and apparently I’ve reached the age where after any kind of sizeable meal I fall asleep on the couch at 7:30. So I figured I would do a quick update now, then later this afternoon/evening I would get back into my horror watching. Also, I’m only behind one day. If you follow my Instagram, you’ll see I did watch a movie on Thursday. I just didn’t blog about it.

I got a promotion!


It only took ten years. I now work back office, which means NO CUSTOMERS. Isn’t it awesome? It is for me! I’ve been working since I was 15 (19 years), and it’s all been customer service- mall jobs, Hallmark, grocery store. Now I’m doing office work. I have a little cubicle and everything! I get to decorate it how I like, and it’s going along slowly but surely. Monday was a bank holiday, I had two days of off-site training and two days of work. I have no idea what I’m doing or why, but I’m having a ball! It helps having an excellent support group, and my team is amazing. So are the people who don’t even work in my department.

I’m still knitting away! I know I’m super behind in posting my projects. I’m even bad about updating my Ravelry. I’m currently knitting two secret projects for a friend, so I can’t mention them here. I’ll try to better about posting projects as I go.

I am still baking. Yes, I am watching the new season of Bake Off. I have a lot of thoughts about it, so that will be its own special post after this season is over. I’m also watching the Great Australian Bake Off over on YouTube, which is pretty fantastic in its own right. Matt Moran is super cool, and I want Maggie Beer to be my other grandma. Last year James said he thought Maggie probably smelled like cookies and kindness, and I’ve decided he’s right.

Matt and Maggie

We’ve bundled Lauren off to college. When did that happen? She is so damn smart. She wants to be a doctor. She even has a little squad already (her words, not mine) and they all study together. Chemistry is her toughest class and Chinese is her favorite and I would gush about how proud I am but I’m not that gross.

Winter is over a year old now and is as active as ever. We call it rampaging. Richie and his best friend Tim actually created a cell phone game called Rampage Kitty. You play as a kitten and your job is knock over as much stuff as possible. Download it! (Only 99 cents)

Is that…. everything? I think it is, for the moment. Okay. Hopefully I’ll be back to the horror blogging tonight.


General Update

Hey guys. Wow, it’s been a while hasn’t it? This is just a quick update to let you know everything that’s been going on.


  1. Summer in St. Louis is hot. Really hot. Triple digit hot. Yes, I know, it’s summer in St. Louis. But we’ve actually been spoiled these past couple of years. It’s been hot, but not that hot. Yesterday we broke a record for 108 (that’s 42.2 for you metric folks). It was like being in an oven. There was a severe storm last night that cooled things down, but it’s still hot today. I’m hoping we get more rain tonight.
  2. Richie was diagnosed with pancreatitis and hospitalized for several days over the Fourth of July holiday. He’s home now and is doing better and is much happier. He has to quit drinking (alcohol is one of the causes) and he has made peace with that. He’s already found a non-alcoholic beer that he likes! My mom came over several days after I brought Richie home and she bought us a ton of groceries and cleaned our apartment. It was super nice because I was such a wreck while he was gone. I had just enough energy to come home from the hospital and sit on the couch and watch Bake Off before going to bed. Silver lining to the hospital stay: I got a lot of knitting done.
  3. Speaking of Richie, his daughter is off to college NEXT. MONTH.

I’ve known the kiddo since she was eight and I am so not prepared for this. My mom has bought her some stuff for her dorm room, and I am knitting her washcloths in her school colors. She has to be there on the 15th. That’s only a little over three weeks! NOT PREPARED.

4. I’m learning Swedish! I have a fan fic friend who lives in Sweden and she’s been trying to get me to move over   there. I was initially going to learn Bosnian (my company has a lot of Bosnian customers and a lot of Bosnian employees), but Duolingo doesn’t offer it. They do offer a bunch of other amazing languages FOR FREE. So, I went with Swedish. Jag talar Svenska! Only 39% though. I sent her a box of American treats (mint Oreos, Twizzlers; Reece’s; a Zero bar; Sour Patch kids; more that I can’t think of), and she sent me a box of Swedish treats (I could write odes to the Geisha bar).

5. I have pen pals! I have…. three virtual and one snail mail! I love snail mail! So nice to get something in the mail besides bills. I’m making sure to buy super nice stationery, but it’s hard to find good stores in St. Louis. I went to the Paper Place, but they were unhelpful. I think I might try Papyrus next. Or Etsy. Or just get more from Nostalgic Impressions, which is where my current batch came from. I helped my friend Amy at her church yesterday, sorting and organizing craft supplies for a sale, and she was kind enough to let me take some treasures home. So I have some cards and beautiful wooden stamps, so hopefully I can dress up my letters a little bit.


Okay, I think you guys are all caught up on the basics. My writing hiatus is over, and I sent Top a knit teddy bear. I should probably write a post about that. I should probably get caught up on all of my baking posts first. I am SUPER behind. Sorry about that. Thanks for sticking around!


If you’ve left….. (nice loyalty)

New Year’s Eve

I’m never sure where to put the apostrophe.

Anyways, it’s 11:28 pm where I am, and I finished all of my NYE plans. I’m staying in tonight (thanks Amy for the invite!), and judging by the amount of emergency vehicles that have passed down my street, it was the right decision.

I’ve finished up all the laundry; done all the dishes (except what’s in the dishwasher); cleaned the kitchen and living room; cleaned out the litter box and took out the trash; put fresh sheets on the bed. The idea is that keep my life clean and organized in the new year.

I dropped off all library books and donated a bag of clothes and books to Goodwill.

I have a little bit of cash in my wallet to encourage to the flow of money. (sounds silly, but I got two raises this year, so)

The thing you are doing at midnight is what you will be doing a lot of in the new year. I have plans to be eating cake and reading a book. Richie is playing a gig down in Cape Girardeau. So he will play a lot of music, and we won’t see each other often. So… that sucks.

I don’t know why everyone is so excited for the new year- I doubt much will change. But, I hope everyone stays safe tonight, at least.

Seven for Saturday

1.What I’m Reading: The Terror by Dan Simmons. It’s a fictional re-telling of the Franklin Expedition of 1846. It’s a spooky read- aside from cold and starvation, there is something lurking out there on the ice that wants the sailors. I freeze while reading this


2. What I’m Knitting: Richie’s beard club is hosting a cold weather clothing drive for their December meeting. I have some yarn I don’t love, so I’m just whipping up some simple scarves. I started on Wednesday and have one scarf finished

3. What I’m Watching: The Great Australian Bake Off

4. I found a new recipe in one of my cookbooks. It has half the ingredients of my buttermilk bread recipe, and it’s so much easier. Equally tasty too


5. I made some lemon lime cupcakes over the summer, from this site. Citrus bakes are best during the warmer months. I also finally, finally nailed the icing. After giving the kitchen time to cool off after baking, I turned the thermostat down a couple of degrees, which kept the icing from melting



6. Yesterday I made a cookie in the mug for the second time, but it was the first time the recipe actually worked. There was a calming masterpost making it’s way around tumblr, for people to help care for themselves after the election. I decided to try this recipe because I didn’t think I had enough ingredients to make a full batch of cookies and was too lazy to go out for more


Life changing, you guys

7. And finally- just photos of Winter







New Little Love

I know. I haven’t blogged in ages. I know. But I have a super good excuse, I promise.


Meet our new son, Lord Winter Snowden. Winter for short. We adopted him from The Humane Society when he was three months old. His cage was across from the door when we walked in. He had been lying down (laying? I’m never sure) but he stood up when we came close. He followed my fingers and I could hear him purring through the glass. I knew then that this was my cat.


He is very active and curious, and very affectionate, which I am fine with :o)


He likes to help me knit. Which, while I appreciate the thought, is really not necessary.


He’s found the 55 gallon fish tank. Or as my friend Tammy calls it, the sushi bar


He and Richie get along (no matter what Richie says), which is nice. Richie is allergic (although his allergies don’t act up much) and he’s had bad experiences with cats. But maybe it’s because we adopted Winter together while he was a baby that helps with their bonding.


Have I turned into one of those people who constantly posts photos of their pet all over social media?







I’ll try to return to Bake Off blogging soon.